girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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