he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
