After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
