i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
