I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
