when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
