Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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