He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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