Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
