Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
