I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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