at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
