Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
