We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
