I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
