I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
