I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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