It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So. Much. Porn.
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