roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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