Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
