That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
