high people should be assigned attendants
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
