All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
