By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
