Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
