i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
