Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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