Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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