just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
