They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
