this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
