I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
