Someone shit on the floor
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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