y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
