I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
