Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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