C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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