WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
