I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
