Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
