Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
