I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She said her name was "party"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
