dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
