i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
