bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
