This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
