i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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