standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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