Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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