Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Still dying that you shit outside
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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