That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
