Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
