My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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