when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
